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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Peer Relationships: Opposite Gender, Answers to Questions

Question: Sojourner, you made a point of saying that the wife is to submit to the husband but that is not obeying him. Sounds like the same thing to me; can you explain?

Answer: Gladly! Picture a two-year-old that wants to play in the street in front of your house. The road looks quiet to him so he just doesn’t get it that he cannot do that and heads for the street. What do you do? Do you discuss the finer points of traffic safety and hours of usage with him or do you just expect him to obey you when you tell him not to play in the street no matter how things look to him? The same is true for the older kids in your house. You have house rules and you expect that those rules are obeyed, even if the child does not agree that he needs those rules. Of course, this is true as the kids reach adolescence as much as it is when they are two. You are the parent and the child is expected to obey you.

Now, moving on to the wife. In a corporation there is a board of some kind that is the top of the line authority. If that board has an even number, though they do try not to make it that way, then the Chairman of the Board is the tie-breaker when necessary. We have the same situation in our government’s legislature and Supreme Court. The top of the chain makes the decision if there is a tie and the top of the chain takes the flack if that decision turns out to be the wrong one. The whole committee/board/panel of justices discuss, research and discuss some more. They make their point of view known and discuss why they believe they are correct, hoping others will agree. But, however fervently the members of the Board might be, in the event of a tie, the Chairman makes the final decision. The others must submit to his authority to make the decision and go along with it. They are not “obeying” him; but, rather, submitting to his authority.

So, in a marriage, I see the husband as the Chairman of the Board, appointed by the Lord. The wife is an equal partner and will be respected as such. She will be allowed to make her case and will be expected to be able to back it up as a colleague. There should be discussion and, if the husband is still sensing that the Lord is saying the family would be better served if they followed his course of action, they pray together and the wife takes her hands off the process of deciding. The decision has been made and the Lord expects her to support her husband in that decision because, before God, he has taken the decision on behalf of the good of the family. God will hold him responsible for that decision and she needs to help pray them through it. Yes, this is true even if the husband is not a Believer yet. God can speak to anyone and I believe that the Lord will honor the woman or man who follows what the Bible says is their role in the family, even if their partner does not. God is still God, even if your mate does not yet believe He is. Of course, if your mate is not a Believer and what he is asking of you or the family is against the laws of God, there are alternate resources to consult. If, however, the husband says that he is a Christian, it is not a free pass to behave in any way he pleases. Do not misunderstand what I am saying here. There is never a tyrannical side to this “chairman” and he is not allowed to inflict harm of any kind on his wife (or children). He is to listen to her as an equal, according to the plan of the Lord. That is the target to shoot for and pray for, in a marriage. Neither party is to be abused in the name of “submission.”

Question: You cannot really still believe people should wait to have sex until they are married, can you? Join the 21st Century!

Answer: It doesn’t really matter to anyone what I, personally, believe. What I believe will never have eternal consequences for anyone’s life but mine. The question you should be asking is what does God think about sexual relationship outside of marriage in this 21st century! It is interesting to me that even people who have never had an interest in spiritual things or the Bible know what God has to say about sexual relationships outside of the marriage covenant… don’t do it. If you are wanting God to answer you when you call upon Him just as He did for people in the Bible days, then you should expect that it also does not matter which century it is, God’s laws are the same. He made us and established those laws based on His position as the Creator. He knows what is best for us and we are fooling ourselves if we think the changing of the page on a calendar makes any difference in what God thinks!

And, speaking of calendars… Happy Birthday to all of you who were born on this day in a country whose calendar says that you are only one-fourth as old as you are! You might want to give thanks that you were not born in a country that uses the lunar calendar, wink

****Enjoy the day, February 29th; we won’t see it again until 2016!

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